My Disease
I have decided partially, that I am not cut out for this, or really anything. I have so many dire issues, that lash out like ugly snakes, corrupting my once calm mind. The snakes latch onto my loved ones and try to pull them down into the never ending amount of negative views that seem to be my home. I have tried to abolish these feelings, spiritually and otherwise, but they return like a yearly cold, ever waiting to ensnare my system with all of it’s horrid power. I am a slave to it’s embrace, I am a pawn in it’s strategy and lately, especially today, I have come to realize that I am even further from beating it then before.
I have searched for a remedy, I have consoled others, to try and find some special rite, one that will drive away this madness. I have been unsuccessful in my tries, as today I attacked one who has, to the best of his ability, tolerated my hideous ways for many years. Even worse was the fact that my poisonous words, were about those in great need and whom have experienced pain and suffering like I have never known. Nothing I have ever felt, no pain of the heart or the body, is as great as their situation. I am so shocked at the person that said those terrible things. It’s like I’ve got my own version of Hyde, lurking around every corner, licking his lips at every opportunity to put someone down. I don’t know this person, but it seems there is no one else left. I finally understand in some part, my self suffering, lashed upon me by the forces of nature, as a way to teach me Karma. I fear I have gone to far down this path, this is my fate now. I feel the largest sorrow for those I have let down and will continue to let down. Those who thought me to be a wonderful soul, full of love and compassion, when underneath there is only a monster. I am a MONSTER and that’s all I’ll ever be.
Mike Wolf
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