I know this is going to piss a lot of people off, but seriously, Twilight is ridiculous. 
Let me break it down for you.

1. It’s not an original story, it’s pretty much like Romeo and Juliet, except they can’t be together because one is human and one’s a vampire.
2. Most of the actors that portray the characters do not look High School age and it’s full of shit.
3. Kristen Stewart is so akward and terrible and looks so dykie, which is fine with me but she still looks stupid.
4. In the first movie, they say that the Cullen’s miss school like every time it’s sunny or some bullshit. I’m sorry but most schools wouldn’t be down for that.
5. R-Patz is good looking and all, but seriously, he was fucking Cedric Diggory! What a traitor! Harry Potter is a real ORIGINAL story. Not Interview With a Vampire fused with Romeo and Juliet.
6. Vampires are hot, but this movie makes me laugh. They just look like really sick people with sickle-cell disease, who are just really into pancake makeup.
7. Edward glitters! He fucking glitters! What does that even mean? I have never, ever, heard of a vampire glittering! He should be, smoking, melting, turning to ash. Yeah, everyone has their interpretation of vampires, but that is one thing I cannot wrap my head around. Leave the glitter to GaGa Edward!
8. Twilight movies are really just an excuse for hormonal little girls to imagine muscular vampire and werewolf men in a love triangle. This works because one girls want guys to fight over them (Jacob and Edward) and two because not every girl could like Edward, their would be too much hair pulling.

To cut this short, Twilight is a marketing scheme to rip off teenage girls based on their fantasies and hormones. The people cast for the movie are mediocre at best and the story is a rip off of other vampire novels and Romeo and Juliet.
I’m stoked about vampires too, but go read a real novel! What about Anne Rice!? Her work is so much better, and you actually have to have an education to read it. What a thought right? You don’t see her with team Lestat shirts!
I know that you’ll say Harry Potter is the same way. But honestly, Daniel Radcliffe and the other actors aren’t played as sexy as R-Patz and Lautner and you know it!

SO! Fuck the Twilight opening day, and come see a real show on November 20th, when Hollywood and I rock your faces off at Martini Ranch in Scottsdale! Contact me for $12 pre-sale tickets. More information is available on our Myspace.